September 23, 2001

I was looking out of my window onto Saugatuck Avenue this morning watching all the cars commuting as we do almost every day. My baby was watching Sesame Street on TV as I was getting his things ready before I leave him with my dad and make my way to the office. I suddenly stopped and pondered: "What kind of a world have a brought this beautiful, loving child into?" "What kind of evil are we dealing with here?"

And that's when it dawned on me. I know this evil. I know what evil is. It comes in all forms; it's not one person or one country. That's pretty frustrating when you want to target something, when you want revenge. What we're feeling now, is a feeling I remember. It was a day, ten years ago this October, that I was told I had breast cancer. After the shock wore off, I decided the best way to decide what I was going to do was to learn about what cancer is; not a welcome discovery.

Cancer is a form of evil. I can't really describe it as anything else. It starts as a cell that enters your body and takes over another cell, infiltrates it and changes it's DNA, (your DNA), and then multiplies at a very fast rate and is disguised as one of your cells so your body doesn't know to kill it. It doesn't know that it's the enemy.

The mission of cancer is clear. It's mission is to kill you, slowly and deliberately. It doesn't care. It has no conscience. No one could tell me how I got it or why. All I knew was that I had an evil force inside me changing my very cell structure, my biological identity. What right did this evil thing have to do this to me or anyone? It was a horror. So, now, what was I going to do about it? How do you fight something you can't see, something that's so infiltrated you don't know where it is?

I had to do everything in my power to take what I've learned in my life and apply it to healing. My life was at stake. I didn't know what would happened to me back then. I cried every day and it was a battle. I was angry, really angry, that something would declare war on me when I wasn't even looking, when I hadn't done anything to provoke it. I couldn't fathom that something so evil could exist. I asked the Universe to help me because the job was bigger than I could handle alone. Life just is. It isn't easy. It's tough and sometimes it stinks. I'll remember today, as I looked out the window and thought of this tragedy that's touching everyone right now. I'll remember the pain and the evil that, unfortunately, I know too well.


But more importantly, I'll remember today because I gave birth to a beautiful son just a year and a half ago and I see miracles in life that are constantly unfolding and I'm blessed that my baby has chosen me to be his mother. It's been ten years and I'm healthy and I'm lucky and I'm grateful. Life is going to come around full-circle once more and because of the strength and the love and the spirit of what makes me who I am and who we are, we will more than just survive this; we'll surpass it. Life's a process and for better or worse, we're meant to learn as much as we can from it. We have an opportunity here to literally rise above the ashes and create a new worldthe one we want for ourselves and most of all, for our children. I'm just sharing with you what I've learned and now I have the answer to yet another question; "What's stronger than evil?" We are.

- Stevi Lee